


Promises

by Lustfulcat



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, ghostwin, spoilers up to chapter 89
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 23:03:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9406847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lustfulcat/pseuds/Lustfulcat
Summary: After Erwin's death Levi can't rest, so Erwin can't either.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Levi looked a little thin to me in chapter 89 and somehow this happened; it's dedicated to a certain bunch of Old Eruris who I have grown to adore.
> 
> Talk to me about these dork husbands: @worldwareruri/world-war-eruri.tumblr.com

Erwin followed Levi everywhere. They may have left his body in that attic but it didn't mean he stayed. Standing with them as the basement door was kicked in, he pointed out the drawer's hidden compartment to Levi, his transparent blue eyes wide and glorious as the journals were revealed. He theorized all the way back to Sina, prattling with newfound information, filling Levi's head with his voice. 

And Levi slowly drowned in the sound, suffocating in silence. 

 _I approve of Hange's measures._ Light filtered through Erwin's form as he sat at his desk; however, it wasn't his desk anymore it was Hange's. Nothing had been done with the office; only Levi had been inside since their return and everything had been left as it was. He couldn't even bear to cross the room, remaining where he always did, on a worn high-backed wooden chair against the opposite wall. 

 _Although I understand their reasoning,_ _Jeager and Ackerman were insubordinate._

Levi snorted.

Erwin steepled his fingers in thought; he was whole again, as he was before the walls had been breached, and it was a strange comfort in the roiling plane of Levi's mind.

_But I doubt they'll finish their sentence. Based on all the new information we may need them for a myriad of reasons._

"Including Zackly's meeting in a few days," Levi monotoned, staring out the window into the deep grey sky. It had gotten cold since their return and smelled like snow; thick clouds loomed, imminent and imposing like the rest of the world. 

It was so much to take in, not just the events of the last few weeks but all of it. Unsurprising to Levi, the worst monsters weren't titans they were humans again and again. 

And what shade of monster was _he?_  

Levi looked away from the window and stared at his own hands. The right one still twitched from the battle and he curled his fingers into a fist, pressing it into his leg. When was the last time he slept? 

 _Levi..._  

He looked up into a face he shouldn't be seeing and tried not to wince. 

 _Levi you need to eat._ Erwin's brows drew together, worry lining his forehead. _That's an order._  

"Fine." Levi stood, digging his fist harder into his thigh, and left Erwin's office, heading downstairs and out into the frigid air toward the mess hall. They had stores of food there but no one to cook it and the empty buildings he passed made headquarters feel colder than it was. 

Levi gritted his teeth. He was used to being alone, it was the way of this world; death was ever present. 

Reaching the mess hall, Levi swung the door open and blinked at Erwin, who sat at one of the tables waiting expectantly. 

He just wished the dead would stop haunting him. 

**********

 

"Okay, so where are the _real_ books?" Hange asked, hands on their hips, scanning Erwin's private room intensely and ignoring the piles of books, maps, and papers surrounding them. 

 _Hidden in the floor under the bedside table,_ Erwin answered from his seat by the window. 

"In the floor under that table," Levi pointed, wanting to stop Hange before they tore the place apart. It was the first time Levi had been in this room since the mission and it still held Erwin's scent, which stabbed him through more than he thought it would, twisting as it sunk in. 

They had shared so much in that bed. So much and not enough, never enough. 

Hange squealed, kneeling before the nighttable and shoving it aside without hesitation, almost knocking it over. Ripping up several floorboards, they gasped and let out a string of curses that left Levi impressed. 

"I knew he had _some_ books but I didn't know the Commander had this many!" The squealing increased in pitch. 

 _I'm not the Commander anymore, Hange, you are._ Erwin tilted his head in amusement as he watched his successor flip through the first book openmouthed. 

Levi winced. 

"I have some theories about the Progenitor Titan and what we can do with its power," Hange babbled, placing the first book down and reaching into the cache to pull out a second. 

Erwin frowned. _But we'd need to reliably access that power first._

"But we have to figure out how to use it properly," Hange echoed, skimming the second book to see if it held any pertinent information. "And there might be something in these that can help us, no matter how small." 

 _Only the large brown leather-bound book discusses titans._ Erwin stood, his footsteps making no sound as he crossed the room to Hange, looking over their shoulder. 

Levi scrubbed a hand down his face. When he'd made that decision on the rooftop he knew it would haunt him forever but he didn't know it would be so literal, and it was starting to wear on him. All of it was. His right hand twitched again and he wondered not for the first time if he was losing it. 

Was he a danger to those he fought with if he was seeing Erwin? Hearing him? They needed his strength more than ever now and he had a promise to keep- 

 _Levi, can you please inform Hange about-_  

"Erwin says the big leather-bound one talks about tita-" Levi snapped, stopping only when Hange turned a wide eye on him. 

The silence stretched long. 

"Levi..." Hange spoke like he was a cornered animal and Levi hated it. "Why are you talking about Erwin as if he's here?" 

_It's fine, Levi, you can tell them. I trust them second only to you._

" _No._ " Levi got to his feet hoping it would shut both of them up. "Just get the shitty book." He headed for the door. 

"I miss him too," Hange called out to his back, concern in their voice. 

Bitterly cold air filled Levi's lungs as he stepped outside and he immediately turned away from the blond ghost that waited on the path. 

But Erwin's expression still made him flinch. 

**********

The nightmare was viseral, hellish, and Levi felt stripped bare as he clawed into reality, hearing the echo of his shouts and knowing it was the sound of his voice that woke him. 

He pushed sweat-soaked hair out of his face, feeling disgusting. His chest heaved and he began to slow his breathing, trying to calm his racing heart. He hadn't slept more than a few hours since their return and his dreams were one of the many reasons why. 

 _Levi?_  

Erwin sat in a chair by the bed, its carved back visible through his form. He was distraught, his left arm stretched out, his lips in a thin frustrated line, as if he tried to shake Levi awake then realized he couldn't. 

Levi blinked, looking more closely. 

Erwin was using his left arm because the right one was _gone_. 

Adrenaline blasted through Levi's veins and he twisted out of the sheets, getting to his feet and backing away with wide eyes. 

The dream had manifested. Blood pooled at the bottom of Erwin's chair, dripping from his missing arm, pouring from the hole in his side. The ghost was no longer intact; now Erwin was as tattered as his uniform, just as he was when he was carried off the battlefield. 

 _Levi!_ Erwin rose and more blood spilled to the floor, the sound making Levi nauseous. 

Skittering to the side, Levi grabbed his boots and coat, darting from the room as if he could outrun a ghost. Or perhaps he was trying to outrun his own mind; either way, he needed to be anywhere else but there. 

At the bottom of the stairs Levi dropped his boots, stepping into them while he swung on his coat, but stopping was a mistake. 

 _Levi, please. Don't go out there it's-_ Erwin was in front of him, his face too gaunt, too hollow, and Levi froze, the tenuous house of cards that was his mental health tumbling. It wasn't just Erwin's face that he saw, it was all the faces of the dead, all the people he outlived. He felt alone, so very alone, just like he did as a child at the foot of his mother's bed. 

For all those years Erwin had been his tether and now he'd set himself adrift. He couldn't even trust his own mind. 

 _Captain!_ Erwin's voice roared in Levi's head. _I am ordering you to remain in the building!_  

In most situations Erwin's approach would have worked but more blood spewed forth with his words and Levi made a choked sound, scrambling for the doorknob. 

Wind howled through the room as the door flew open, snow quickly following, and without hesitation Levi flung himself out into the storm. 

**********

Levi had never felt cold like this. He had witnessed snowstorms since he left the underground but this was a bone-chilling blizzard. Only intending to run to another building, Levi was swallowed within moments and had wandered for far too long. He had to admit that he was lost somewhere in the forest behind headquarters, lost and _freezing_.  

He couldn't see more than a few inches ahead as he slogged through the piling snow, realizing with repressed panic that the normal markers were probably buried, if he could find them at all, and he'd been looking for quite awhile.   

 _Let me help you Levi._ Erwin was next to him again. He'd been following the entire time; Levi had felt him hovering a few steps behind but refused to look back; it was still too much. 

Not answering, Levi stopped and closed his eyes, shivering so hard he thought he would vomit. He remembered Hange telling him once about how people lost fingers and toes in extreme cold and cursed that he had nothing but his uniform and coat on. He didn't even have his gloves or his gear; he ran like a scared child and now he was going to die. Levi, Humanity's Strongest, taken out by the _weather_. 

It wasn't the most honorable death; in fact, it was downright stupid. Everyone was counting on him and he was losing his mind. He had made a decision in Shiganshina - one he still didn't regret - and he needed to figure out why he couldn't let go. 

Of course, he was more than in love with Erwin. The others who had died were all special to him but _Erwin_...Erwin was beyond words, he was only feeling, feeling that Levi couldn't even begin to access, which was probably why he had gotten himself into this situation. He would much rather deal with titans or the military police right now, snow and his own mind were far more deadlier foes. 

 _Perhaps I'm a manifestation of your guilt._  

Levi sputtered, opening his eyes. Much to his relief Erwin was no longer bloodied and battle-torn but dressed in his white shirt and black slacks, one sleeve fluttering in the wind like a thread to the spirit world. 

 _But there is no reason for you to feel guilty Levi-_  

Levi barked out a laugh. Strange, he was starting to feel _warm_. "I chose to let you die on a rooftop. It was either that or turn you into a monster, just like the one you thought you were in your head." 

This time Erwin paused, which was as close to a sputter as he got. 

 _I never thought I was a monster._  

"Tch," Levi began to trudge away, making slow progress since the snow was past the top of his boot. "You can lie to yourself but don't lie to me." He squinted into the snow, his right hand twitching, numb but active, just like the rest of his body. 

He didn't make it very far, with every step more of the world twisted around him. He knew it was cold but as his body temperature went from warm to hot the panic he'd shoved down started to bubble to the surface. Something was wrong. 

Staggering, he opened a few buttons on his coat. "Erwin?" 

Levi could almost feel Erwin's fingers close over his own and looked up into clear blue eyes. 

 _Don't take this off._  

"K," Levi swayed as he tried to redo the button, his hands not cooperating. 

"Shit..." He swayed hard, stumbling. "What the fuck is wrong with me?" His legs were wobbly and he felt disoriented in a way that he never had in the omni-directional gear.

 _You're freezing to death._ Erwin's voice was strong, Levi thought he heard it in the air around him. 

Erwin reached for the buttons on Levi's coat again and this time his fingers didn't pass through, they connected, and he began to do them up. Watching intently, Levi tried not to breathe, wondering if he had died. 

 _Not yet._ Lifting a hand, Erwin cupped Levi's cheek. _But I can touch you, so you're very close._  

 _"Erwin,"_ Levi fractured at the touch, everything spilling out, and dove forward as best he could, wrapping his arms around the only person he'd ever given his heart to. Erwin was here. _Here_. Holding him. He could _feel_ him. This time he wasn't going to let go, he was going to cling to Erwin and root him down, keep him corporeal until he fleshed out and lived once again. Burying his nose into Erwin's shirt Levi inhaled, and the wind's howl calmed into a muffled song. A selfish part of him wanted to die right now in Erwin's embrace and leave this shitty world behind but a better part of him wouldn't allow it. He couldn't leave Hange to fight the world on their own; they couldn't even brush their hair. 

And he still owed Erwin a promise. Not killing the Beast Titan was the only regret that he had. 

"I'm sorry," the shock shook Levi so hard his body was one continuous tremor. 

 _Don't be._ Erwin stroked Levi's back, dragging fingers down his spine with a slow reverence and Levi's eyes burned. _I have forever trusted in your decisions._

"I vowed to you that I'd kill him," Levi's right hand started to jolt, refusing to cling to Erwin anymore, so he let it fall limply to his side. "And I haven't yet."

Erwin stopped his caress to wrap his arm around Levi again, the touch comforting and gentle. Secure. 

 _Captain,_ his voice was warm and Levi basked in it. _I release you from your promise._  

Levi started in shock and looked up at Erwin's face, wanting to argue but unable to, for the man's expression was insistent, earnest, his eyes holding a truth that Levi could not access but always accepted. 

 _I'm content Levi. I know what's in the basement, I've learned the secrets of this world._ He smiled slowly, his face true and peaceful except for the worry lines at the corners of his eyes. _You've given me so much. I can rest easily once I know you're safe._

"You won't rest," Levi mumbled as his body began to sink, his vision going fuzzy along the edges. "I'm safe behind these walls for now but you're still following me." 

_Your ability to see me in Shiganshina left me concerned about your mental state._

"So you thought sticking around to haunt me was the best idea?"

_I wanted to stay as long as I could._

Levi's legs felt like rubber and he strained to remain upright, clinging to Erwin with everything he had. 

"When do you leave?" It was hard to form words. 

 _Very soon._  

Reaching up, Erwin cradled Levi's face again, pulling him into a gentle kiss, one that was soft yet full of everything. It beat with Levi's heart and he pressed closer, tasting Erwin for the last time. Despite his best attempt to hold on, Levi slipped from consciousness and they broke apart far too quickly. 

"Er...win," he slurred, wanting to say a million things, but the fuzzy edges of his vision turned dark, creeping inward. The only thing he managed to bite out was, 

"Don't...let me...die...out here." 

Erwin's response was one more promise between them. 

 _I won't._  

********** 

Levi snapped awake, light flooding his eyes. Cursing, he blinked away tears and tried to focus through the fog. He felt awful, cold and achy, like he'd been fighting for hours underwater. Despite the fact that he was in the main room of the barracks, wrapped in several blankets in front of a blazing fire, he still felt deeply chilled and tugged the cocoon closer as he took stock of his surroundings. 

Bright white streamed in from the windows, snow curling in the corners of the panes. What the fuck happened last night? He didn't remember coming downstairs and he certainly didn't remember- 

Freezing in the snow. 

_Erwin._

He tried to sit up but between his oddly weakened state and nest of blankets, he only flailed helplessly, his right hand twitching again; however, this time it twitched because his fist was locked around something. Wriggling the hand out he uncurled stiff fingers and his stomach shot into his throat. 

Erwin's bolo tie. Levi had left it on him in Shiganshina after Hange refused to take it, claiming it was the Commander's and green looked horrible on them anyway, and now it was here, shining up at him from the center of his palm. He stared into it, eyes burning again as memories of last night spilled in, filling the void. 

Erwin brought him in from the snow. Built this fire. Kept him alive. 

And where was he now? 

"Erwin?" His heart was hammering with hope.

 _Levi, I will be waiting for you when it's time._  

It was a ghost of a whisper, Levi barely heard it but he knew it was there, and he knew with utter certainty that he wouldn't see Erwin again in this life. It hurt, but after last night the sting was much less. Even though Levi had come so close to death it had given them a few more of those moments that they'd wanted so badly but rarely got, which in turn gave him back some of the strength he'd lost. 

There was a loud bang at the back of the barracks and Levi wasn't surprised when Hange stomped into the room a moment later, wrapped in so many layers they looked like a titan themself. 

"Levi!" Their voice cut through the room and Levi's head. "There's so much snow! I've never seen anything like this!" 

Quickly pocketing the bolo tie, he started to extricate himself from the blankets. "Take off your boots you're getting the floor wet," he halfheartedly snapped. 

"You need to put yours on and help me take some measurements. But first you're going to eat breakfast with me." Hange's expression was stern. "That's an order, Captain." 

The parallel was too much and Levi let out a short half-snort-half-laugh that wiped the severe look off Hange's face, replacing it with a smile. 

"Good. I was really beginning to worry about you, Levi. I can't do this alone you know." They leaned against the wall, waiting as he pulled free and stood, righting himself. He was still cold as shit and had lost some weight over the last week, but a few extra hot meals and layers of clean clothes would solve those problems. 

"I know," he said, and that was as close to an apology as he got. He had to stay; there was still work to do and although he'd been released from his promise Levi didn't like to leave things halfway done. He was going to finish mincing the Beast Titan even if the result sent him straight to Erwin again. 

Reaching into his pocket with a steady right hand he wrapped his fingers around the bolo tie, making another promise, this time to himself.  

"I'm with you," he nodded, looking up at Hange with steel in his eyes, finally ready for the fight ahead. "Commander."


End file.
